HAHAHAHAH

So I sat down to write...
McKenzie called me to get TJ out of her room I did came back and lost my train of thought. LMAO.
Til next time

Elements of Love

I always watched the world growing up not to understand Love and all it's elements.

At almost 30 I am realizing it's alot of hard work to stay in love and keep your soul mate. Silly as it sounds right. Soul mate means your meant for each other and nobody else that when all else fails your soul mate is by your side. You just need to look and you'll probably realize your soul mate is still there.

It's true, as much as you love someone does not mean you can not be hurt by that same person, or that you don't hurt the people that you love. To put it simply it's life, the ever evolving days of life.

Those who know me know that I hate change I have a hard time adjusting but I do it. Now i have 3 beautiful children and a husband who I know loves me to make me fight harder to adjust. To make me want to adjust to the world around me and make it so I don't want to just run away.

That is what i have always done, it's what I have watched so many times over and over again. Who says when it broken it can't be fixed?

The people that don't want to be bothered fixing it, the ones who see no hope and no return but to move forward alone.

At the end of the day that is not me. Not anymore. I rather fight everyday and give it my all if it hurts me and some around me then walk away just to make it easy. Life isn't easy and for some reason we all want it to be. I am so blessed and when I look past the pain that I feel that is what I see and the pain disappears. Love and joy fill my heart and there is no room for misery.

On the days that my emotions are raw that is when I have to fight, even if nobody understands, but people do and it helps to have someone tell you sometimes that your not being crazy your just dealing with life. The friend or love that brings you back to reality. That is why you choose to have the certain people in your life that you do. They make you the person you are, good bad or indifferent they are there. They can tell you anything and although it may hurt it will be okay because they will help wipe away the tears.

I have wiped away more tears and I'm still here fighting and I will never stop, because it's what my family deserves.

So at almost 30 haha I realized these elements of love
*It grows as long as you let it
*It hurts even if you don't want it to
* It give you a reason to smile a reason to be sad and make s you who you are
* not everybody wants to be loved back but it doesnt mean someone doesnt love you
*Some points of your life you need to be alone to just figure things out but that doesn't mean you need to be alone forever.

That I love being loved by my husband and children and that I love them completely.

A New Year Welcome 2011

I don't know where to start exactly. I think that this past year has been such a nightmare. My life as I know it feel apart around me and I let it happen.
I can tell the world this 2011 here I come. Iam not goin to rattle off a bunch of resolutions that I'm not gonna stick too. I'm not going to make promises I can't keep. I am going to become me again, and Iknow and realize that I have to find me again.
My marriage has taken a turn for the worst, my children have been put aside because of it and it's truley all my fault. I shut down, I stopped fighting for what I wanted most in life. My family, all because I didn't know what to do.......
It took a whole year but I know now and I am going to do it.
Watch, wait, read, Listen as 2011 becomes the year of a life time and next year we r having a party to celebrate a year to remember has past and it all started by putting one foot foward.

Time

I wish I could say that it's endless like the possibilities that I have with where I am going to take this post.
I think though I jsut needed to write something, anything and it would help me feel like I am not neglecting my blog:(
The summer has come and is about to go but that is okay, the kids are starting a new chapter in thier lives and so am I.
I am forcing myself to take time for me..YOU'LL see:)

Just Breath.

My entire life I have always been the one who worries more than I should, the one that thinks the worst will happen when anything is going on. I have always doubted myself as a person , because I have never had the emotional strength to do other wise.

Now your thinking this is where I write I have changed. Um... no not really. I honestly don't think I ever will.

Butt... I have learned to just breath.

When I am overwhelmed with guilt of not having time with my family, or I realize that I have to fight my way through dirty clothes just to clean it. I seem to stop breathing. This is 2 of many things I find myself not breathing about. It could be a deadline at work or the simple fact that I have not cut any coupons to go grocery shopping.

The fact is that I blame it on several things, being a middle child. Yes I said it. The fact that I am a Pisces and yes I believe in Zodiac signs. This little stuff makes me well me. Like it or leave it.

Through the years I have learned it's never going to be simple and laid out. There will always be days when I should of stayed in bed or want to crawl back in and that is OK.
There is going to be weeks that just seem to blend in with each other because I am busy. I kind of signed up for that having 3 kids and being a full time working mom .

In between I have taught myself to breath. I know it is a natural thing you learn in the womb right. No, wrong very wrong. This process of breathing takes a lot to learn. How to breath and become center again. How to live and keep pushing through and take the breath that gets you through it.

I have done it. I am proud of this because at the end of the day it make me a better mom, wife, and boss, it makes me a better me.

Home, Work, no time for much else.

So on jan. 25th my bosses left for thier annul 6 week vacation. I was prepared I know how to run my store, I felt confident that I could handle the challenge. Plus, in any need I always have my hubby.

Ok, now let me say that today is my first day off in a week and I am pooped. Trying to figure out how to balance me working 50 hours a week plus being a mom and wife will work out.

The thing is even as I type this I realized even though it's not easy it already has. Well Kind of.

The kids miss me, and I miss them terribly but I know that this is what I have to do. Not for me, not for just them for all of us. So now when I am off or I am home in the morning or before bed I take the time to really catch up with them through chatting with them or take an extra hug and kiss to get us through the times when I am not here.

Sean is doing it too. Working 50 hours then coming home and doing what has to be done here at home. We rarely see eachother anymore but we know we have to do this, we know where we are going and we are going to keep working hard to meet the goals we have for our family.
We have uped our date night to twice a month, we catch up imbetween relieving eachother from home to go to work. Phone calls on our breaks.

Then late march we are going awway for a weekend just us for my birthday. We are also planning on a family weekend too we all need it.

So although I may whine, sometimes even cry thinking this is all not possible it is. It all works out, it always does.
I am tired , I am cranky, but I love my life and everything it comes with.

Jodi Piccoult books

As I have posted before I love to read. it's something I have always relied on to let me escape anything. Into another world somewhere else's world.

Lately' I have been reading Jodi Piccoults books. First 19 minutes which was given to me as a birthday gift and although it took me a bit to really get into it, it was not the author's fault it was mine. ( explain later:)

Then I read My sister's Keeper, which made me cry and also helped me get through taking my 3 yr. old to get 60 stitches and stay calm. The book was amazing, but I am afraid to see the movie. A whole different post.

Now I am almost done with Handle with Care, which follows suit to the other two books simply amazing.

I have her newest book The Pact and I already can not wait to read it.

In talking to my hubby about how I like Handle with Care, I expressed to him that it is the way she writes. For those of you who read her books you understand. The way she writes chapters from the others perspective involving thoughts for each character really puts you in the book, makes you understand so much it's amazing.

Since I was little I have always likes one Author until I ran out of books and had to find another. Its like an obsession almost. Okay, maybe it is silly but I am kind of serious.

Are you still wondering why i say it's not Jodi's fault I couldn't get into 19 minutes right away?
First of all from the moment I picked up the book , I felt like I was cheating on James Patterson as a dedicated reader of his. Plus...
Considering that for the past years I have been obsessed with James Patterson, who writes totally different but is also amazing. His chapters are quick, but leave you hanging so you wanna read more.
It's easy to keep reading his books, because he has several series, and amazingly writes faster then I can read them.
So I am weird and to me that is okay. I love them both for two totally different reasons. I just love to read.