Just Breath.

My entire life I have always been the one who worries more than I should, the one that thinks the worst will happen when anything is going on. I have always doubted myself as a person , because I have never had the emotional strength to do other wise.

Now your thinking this is where I write I have changed. Um... no not really. I honestly don't think I ever will.

Butt... I have learned to just breath.

When I am overwhelmed with guilt of not having time with my family, or I realize that I have to fight my way through dirty clothes just to clean it. I seem to stop breathing. This is 2 of many things I find myself not breathing about. It could be a deadline at work or the simple fact that I have not cut any coupons to go grocery shopping.

The fact is that I blame it on several things, being a middle child. Yes I said it. The fact that I am a Pisces and yes I believe in Zodiac signs. This little stuff makes me well me. Like it or leave it.

Through the years I have learned it's never going to be simple and laid out. There will always be days when I should of stayed in bed or want to crawl back in and that is OK.
There is going to be weeks that just seem to blend in with each other because I am busy. I kind of signed up for that having 3 kids and being a full time working mom .

In between I have taught myself to breath. I know it is a natural thing you learn in the womb right. No, wrong very wrong. This process of breathing takes a lot to learn. How to breath and become center again. How to live and keep pushing through and take the breath that gets you through it.

I have done it. I am proud of this because at the end of the day it make me a better mom, wife, and boss, it makes me a better me.

Home, Work, no time for much else.

So on jan. 25th my bosses left for thier annul 6 week vacation. I was prepared I know how to run my store, I felt confident that I could handle the challenge. Plus, in any need I always have my hubby.

Ok, now let me say that today is my first day off in a week and I am pooped. Trying to figure out how to balance me working 50 hours a week plus being a mom and wife will work out.

The thing is even as I type this I realized even though it's not easy it already has. Well Kind of.

The kids miss me, and I miss them terribly but I know that this is what I have to do. Not for me, not for just them for all of us. So now when I am off or I am home in the morning or before bed I take the time to really catch up with them through chatting with them or take an extra hug and kiss to get us through the times when I am not here.

Sean is doing it too. Working 50 hours then coming home and doing what has to be done here at home. We rarely see eachother anymore but we know we have to do this, we know where we are going and we are going to keep working hard to meet the goals we have for our family.
We have uped our date night to twice a month, we catch up imbetween relieving eachother from home to go to work. Phone calls on our breaks.

Then late march we are going awway for a weekend just us for my birthday. We are also planning on a family weekend too we all need it.

So although I may whine, sometimes even cry thinking this is all not possible it is. It all works out, it always does.
I am tired , I am cranky, but I love my life and everything it comes with.