The never ending battle.

I have to get this out becaue it is consumming me and I feel as though I am going to explode..I try to keep this off my blog but decided it was time to vent and here I am.

A lot has been going on lately with Faith's mother. I fear for Faith most of all. Right after mothers day Faith was in tears telling me her mother told her to lie to us about where they were living. We have a rule in our house that we never get in trouble for telling the truth only when we lie because it hurts people. So she tells me where they are staying and that she is sleeping on a mattress in a laundry room and because of all the noise she can hardly sleep but when she told her mother she was unhappy she was told there was nothing that could be done about it. Faith tells me she doesn't understand why mommy has bought a laptop and a car if she has no money for a place to live. So I reassured her and told her that I am sure mommy has a plan, and that it will all work out to give it time. Well, Sean and I knew summer was approaching and that means she is supposed to get more time with Faith, but Thankfully this time has to be agreed upon. So Sean wrote to her mother 2x stating that because of the living arrangements he will not agree to any more sleep overs but she can have more time if she wants during the day or in the evening. With this he got 2 letters back stating that he can not change the court order that he visitations is Mon-Wends. and every other weekend. So when the last letter came and she said that she will be picking Faith up anyway we then called our lawyer again and said please break the court order down for her. Please explain what Sean has been maybe she'll understand it from you. Well, last Monday came and they show up 2 hours earlier then they said they were and it starts. The girls were in the bedroom playing so I stayed inside at first then jay stopped by thank god, to drop something off so i told her to go inside with the kids. I walk over to the truck where she and her boyfriend are and Sean is outside of it to hear this nonsense. She feels like Sean is telling her what to do, and that he is keeping Faith from her,that he is out of line with the way that he talks to her. As he told her this is not him telling her what to do it's the courts and he is not agreeing because of these reasons. This fell on deaf ears, and all she kept coming back with is respecting her. This is not about her this is about Faith. (something she will never get) She said she is taking us back to court, please do I beg. Not that we said this but really please show the courts how great of a mom you are,how much you support Faith,how many times you call when she is sick,why you are always late picking her up or dropping her off, and WHY she is sleeping on the floor in a laundry room. I try to say something and she put her hand up (honestly it's the only time Sean yelled) because she has no right telling me to shut up,um hello I am raising your kid because you cannot be bothered. Anyway I decided not to open my mouth not for her sake but Sean's because I would of never shut up because I will never understand how a mother can act this way. In her very last letter she said that her and Sean need to communicate better about Faiths emotional well being. She always says she wants to be friends with him...ugh.. why can't she understand that it's not about her. When the beginning of school came and she insisted on picking Faith up Sean and I both asked if this was about more time with Faith then we will work it out and she said no this is about proving a point that we are following the court order. She could of had Faith on Tues and Thursdays but no she can't be bothered.
When i was younger and dreamed of being married with children I never dreamed of this. I fell in love though, not only with Sean but with Faith. She was the sweetest little thing and was like sunshine walking into a room. I adored her and all the time we spent with her, so did my family. I always told Sean that I did not want to take her moms place though, I want to be what Faith wants me to be and that's it. Well, the day before Sean and I got married Faith looked at me and said i am so happy that you are going to be my step mom can I call you mommy now. I cried. By this time I realized that she needed someone to pick up her moms slack she was living with us and she was like my own but still needed so much to be taught to her in order to grow up and be a respectful adult. So that is what I do.. I treat her just like I treat Kenzie and Thalan, I love her just as much even though I feel like it is more because she needs more sometimes. When people ask I have 3 kids, 3 wonderful children. I would die for them all, I will do whatever I have to for them all.
I will never understand how someone can have a child and not be given the the instinct it takes to be a mom. She will blame it on being young, my mom and BF were young too sorry that is no excuse they are wonderful moms and have always done what is right by their children. It makes me mad that she is only a face for things like the first day of school. I was on the PTO, so that made her join because it was a competition to her in some way. She sits in the truck for all of Faiths softball games, she prays with her at night when she sleeps over but tells Faith she will not come to her communion because she doesn't believe in what I am teaching her. She doesn't do anything as far as supporting her in her daily needs for school, or call when she is sick. This will always be blamed on Sean and I. Even the fact that we are teaching her not to lie...Everyday is a new well my mother said to tell you... my mother said .... we listen and let go. Faith tells me everything because I have always told her there is no need for her being in the middle of adult nonsense and she does,sometimes on Tuesdays she waits up for me to get home form work just to hug me and kiss her goodnight and then the next day I get the mommy we need to talk, I reassure her and do my best to work things out for her with Sean. Being a step mom has been the hardest thing I have ever done but I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel sorry for the people in this world that don't love there stepchildren or their own. I feel sorry for the kids out there that are like Faith and trapped in this awful situation. Faith has made me a stronger person and a better mother then I could ever hope to be. She is my everything.My Faith Marie.